$1,000,000 Reward

For the arrest and conviction of this known felon! Wanted for everything you can think of, including violation of the "todie hour curfew," thinking too much, and "scrub your nuts Thursday" rules. He is rumored to be roaming the swamps of Florida, shooting 7 turkeys at a time to feed himself. This man should be considered armed and dangerous. Approach with extreme caution. As you can see, he has beady eyes and drinks Miller's.